Like an abandoned house wishing with each sunrise and sunset to be occupied. Watching the days pass and its bones start to give way to the time it took to wish for better days.
For acceptance again. The ghosts of past happiness still roaming its halls… but it’s unlikely to ever be inhabited again. Occupied by past illusions of what could be. The vines start finding their way in, breaking the infrastructure and making it habitable to only the surrounding animals of little consequence.
The dirt and the dust gather in the spaces uncleaned. Forgotten. Only those curious souls that wander about the earth searching for the lost find solace within.
A true example….of personification. As if the house itself, feels like home- because they themselves were abandoned. Watching the days go by in hoping-
that someone might come back…. or see them for the potential they are. Not the minutes and hours, days and years of undoing they have been subjected to.
Inhabited by those who use them for shelter, but never really care for them. The insecurities…. a great gift given by heartbreak, or childhood trauma. Don’t your bones start to crumble? Don’t the vines of pain and dishonesty creep into your heart and entangle you? Have the countless sunsets kept you preserved in your road to ruin?
I love abandoned houses.
I am one too.
There is beauty in the breakdown, and strength in the neglect. They don’t make bones that crumble….quite as beautiful. There is such an anthem of life in the resilience towards the wild overgrowth, and natural defiance against, and towards the absolution of death.
Even as we age and attempt to let go of our preconceived notions of control… As if we could have controlled anything. Nature always wins out in the end. Be it a choice we choose… or not. Fated- fact or fiction, it matters not.
However, it is always in the secret space of my heart, that I thought I could find one of those houses and make it whole. Or at least… make it mine.
Fully enjoy it, take the vines out… one by one. Evict the current animals that live for free within its walls, who contribute only to its lingering loneliness, and further the promise of its breakdown.
I would take the time to cleanse it. Corner by corner. Back-breaking labor.
Love it back to the state of believing. Give it new meaning… new memories. Embrace it. Bring new happiness to its hallways. Breathe life back into the lifeless….like a mirror image. Put in the work- because it’s worth it.
I can see unrealized promise. I can see something special, hidden under the surface value. The property that contains and surrounds the house. And I want and expect that …. in return. The crumbling bones and all.
That’s what I saw in you. Something abandoned too.
But with so much beauty and potential amidst the pain of a past, I know little about. What I wouldn’t give, to relieve you of another sunset in waiting. To sit on a porch that we fixed….eventually. Drinking copious amounts of wine and listening to music, until the stars come out.
I’m always wrapped up in the dreaming. Blanketed by a thousand …what ifs. Comforted in someday affections. Maybe that’s just the worst of it.
I don’t care about the eyes that read these words….so long as yours do. So if you take down the foundation… this still stands. The sunsets we watch in hoping, are not unlimited. I’m well aware. Regardless of my progression towards inevitable death, I will always be a builder and a lover of abandoned things. Lost in the hope of each passing day – re-drawing the blueprints. As much as (and as consequence would have it) I am in need of a builder myself, and someone who won’t abandon me. Someone who respects and cares about the foundation. Who can see the potential- regardless.
Who comes willing and able to put in the hard and endless work. We are the duality, I am able to give what I get.
If you abandon this,- I do as well.